Blog over 2 years

It's been more than 2 years now since I started this blog. Remember I started it as a place to let out my emotions and mostly rants when I 1st came to UTP. Immature self.

Yet come to think of it, it was really tough for me as I always find it difficult to really speak to anyone in uni. Have lotsa friends that i can talk to and speak to but when it comes to emotionally attached issues as well as the more personal touches, there really isn't anyone to talk to. Moreover, any UTP students will know that it's hard to talk on the phone cause the line sucks big time and MSN is just another fantasy over there which makes contacting friends from the outside even harder than ever.

Now it's been 2 years plus with so many things happened and past, so many people come and go, so many happy times, sad moments and bittersweet memories. Sometimes I do find it convenient to recapture these moments by simply browsing through the archive section on my blog.

Noticed that from a ranting hideout of mine, it became a scrapbook, just that its digital and sometimes there really are limitations to how well you can capture every expression, every thought, and every emotions digitally. You can't draw sketches of beautiful morning suns like when you are 5 years old with a world so full of sweets and candies, and you can't probably sketch pictures of poo with a fly above it when you are down.

Can't scribble random words, random pictures, random stuff that you can't even tell what it is, like how you could with a real scrapbook. Can't fuck around writing about the pretty girl who decided to attend class with miniskirt that morning, complain about the lecturer who cut your marks for sleeping, and certainly can't complain about how your mom's cooking sucks since anything digital is volatile. They spread like wildfire and explode like the big bang. Oh and, mommies nowadays read and write blogs too.

Anyway, back to my blog, it started with no readers, as I thought it should be some sort a secret, till my friends found out about my blog, and people started linking me. That's when I started posting like how many choose to live their life-only portraying the good things while hiding the darker side.

But I don't want to live mine like that. I wanna live my life how I want it to be. And there's no point looking back at those people who only remember to live their hypocrite life and poke your back once a while when they have nothing better to do.

As much as I don't want to live like that, I don't want to blog like that either. And sometimes I wonder, what will happen if the dark secrets explodes? What if, they found me bare naked and chained with my sins and guilt and shame? Lying unwanted with my flaws and ego and perhaps a broken heart? Will people smirk at me? Or will they offer me a helping hand, wash me and cloth me as a man still? Will people look at me differently with different shades? Or will they like me more for me being true and honest with who I am?

It's been too many fucking years now, we live as hippocrates due to simple fear of rejection because the world is shallow and cruel. Where's the loving world that we're told to build since young? Where's the love that we used to tell our children in bedtime stories? Where's the kind-hearted rather than all two faced creatures that we've trained ourselves to become as to survive in this crazy world?

Is the world sane? Or am i insane?