Friday, June 27, 2008

Made of Honor & Wanted

Ok. So I watched made of honor 3 days ago. And it's really fun to watch and had a good laugh, despite the fact that I had to tahan chics screaming for Mc Dreamy every now and then throughout the movie. [exaggerations used.]

Anyway, nothing more and nothing less from what I'd expected for chics flicks like that. Cool happy ending as usual. But it was really funny and I guess everyone loves that show.


Then I was back at the cinema yesterday for Angelina Jolie's boobs Wanted. It sucks. 

bendAt 1st, Angelina decided to bend it like Beckham with her gun, so the bullet actually curved and hit the target behind an obstacle. Well, to certain extend, I can still make do with that.

Then, almost at the ending part, she decided to do a boomerang trick and the bloody bullet she shot to her left went a whole round killing 6 guys before it comes back for her suicide.



Really, if Einstein was in the cinema, he would die of heart attack other than the nose bleed(due to her boobs).

If you were to title your show as Spiderman, or Superman, or worst to worst Hancock, and do something like that I would still understand. But "Wanted"!! It's just not right!! stephen chow

I mean even Stephen Chow warns you that his shows are comedy by that stupid look of his before you enter the cinema. But "Wanted" was just simply lame.

Being an engineering student and a future engineer, I was basically exhausted after the movie. Unable to comprehend the creativity of the director and perhaps the script writer.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Ain't no porn

Did a bloody dumb decision to click on a link I should never touch. I regretted.

I have a very controversial and confusing self. Due to my overwhelming ego, I conveniently bookmark a page I shouldn't some long time ago. So that every once a while when I am left alone late night unable to sleep, I can click into it looking for another epic of self assurance, browse the page, and then leave with a broad smile on my face glad that I'm able to tell myself that I don't feel a thing. Simply emotionless.

I'm satisfied with my own ability to withstand every emotion that's trying to tear me apart inside just to feed my ego. A brilliant way to hide my timid self I would say. I succeed each time. Convinced. But come to think of it now, it's mere stupidity honestly, it simply shows how small and timid I really am isn't it.


It's like when I was young, I was really afraid of height. But not wanting to submit to that fear, I would then go on hanging bridges, tall buildings, and even sat on Solero, just to prove myself able. Now, I simply enjoy that excitement height provides. That was the fear I overcame due to stupidity and ego. Ego makes you stronger sometimes. And I suck on my own ego lots.

Anyway, back to tonight, I click on it again. I am shaken. I simply don't understand why am I shaken this time. Why now? I knew it all along way before. It's not like I'm unprepared. And I've been through it so many times before and came out fine. So why now?

It's just another glorious episode of mine where I soar slightly higher than I was before I used to think. But deep down, I am uncertain.

It's always easy to convince yourself that you don't need things you can't get. It's even easier to give up on dreams that have been crushed. When you start telling yourself that you don't care, it's like building a shelter of protection which provides your timid self a place to hide. It's just a matter of time when you have to come out from that cover and face reality.

I thought I'd given up. Did I? Maybe I am still able to feel like before. Maybe I still have that little faith in me, deep inside. Maybe I still want that dream. That dream I dreamt of each time I close my eyes. It’s crushed now. By the many hands of others and perhaps my own.

But am I going to reconstruct that dream I have once given up. I rephrase. A dream I thought I’ve given up. I still don't have an answer to that yet.

The truth is, giving up is simply much convenient still. Pleasurable too.

Maybe, just maybe.

Sleepless nights. It's a kind of addiction I can never quit.

Good morning world..

Keyboard speaks

There's a whole world of me, I wish to pour on you like a bucket of paint we mix, into a color of rainbow juice higher than that tower, where rainbow soars above slightly higher than your testimonial of love for me, as it's not about the emotions, the eruption you make believe but leave today, together we'll soar higher again and again, it's all about that eruption of senses and motions with another night of merciless embrace, that warmth and a little bit of you and pieces of me thinking about bits of you lying with me and that sheets of letter and I'll take away everything comprehendible, stop understanding the complexity of it all, and now take a deep breathe and just let yourself fall, let your body do the talking and just watch as I run my fingers on the keyboard, you'll watch me tap tap tap the sound of water fall fall fall into the skies above so wide wide wide it'll never stop so just fall, into me you'll fall, I will I promise to catch you at the end of it all, if there's an ending after all which I doubt so you'll just fall and watch and fall and watch and fall and watch me tap tap tap on this keyboard continuing this everlasting story of rainbows, and you and finally me and you and me we'll soar... Oh breathe..

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Random secrets

Wanna know about random people's secret thoughts? What they do when nobody is looking? Or better still, what they think deep inside?

Here's something across the net that I find very interesting.


It is a page that publishes postcards that people send to them. And on these post cards, people write down their secret thoughts that they wish to share with the world anonymously. 


I find it really interesting as some of the things you see here may seem to be really outrages or simply crazy, but deep down you know you once thought that way too. 


More here.

Friday, June 20, 2008


kenny wannabe

Read more on youthecho.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Noob like me can hack thru google

Tired of hours of waiting for downloading a song with torrent or whatever software you are currently using? Try this:

Been reading this cool site for quite some time now, and as I was doing my normal round there, I was shocked when I saw this post by MR Xniquet.

It says that you can basically search for whatever files you want through google search box., and what's better is that you can download straight from the directory, sort of like stealing people's file to me. So if you wanna try it, do it at your own risk, and hope we don't meet behind bars tomorrow.


Here's what you need to do. Go to google page. At the search box, type in:

"intitle:index of" mp3 vertical horizon

for example.

Click on whichever link comes up. You'll be surprised you actually have the whole directory to yourself. Browsing through people's stuff can be really addictive. So again, browse at your own risk.

Now try something else instead of mp3, ebook or movies maybe?

The golden rule is simple:

1) Ask and you'll receive.

2) What you see is what you get.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008


It's Download day for Firefox where they are launching the all new Firefox 3 web browser in an attempt to set a world record as the most software downloaded in 24 hours!!Download Day 2008

I just checked the stats and it's 26,520 for malaysia over a total downloads of 6,942,340 around the globe.


It's features are cool, with supercool gadgets and add-ons, but this time around they provide you with something else, an elegant touch on it's design.


barDownload Manager screenshot

I've downloaded mine!! Where's yours?Untitled

Wanna be part of this BIG THING??


Join here!!!


Blog over 2 years

It's been more than 2 years now since I started this blog. Remember I started it as a place to let out my emotions and mostly rants when I 1st came to UTP. Immature self.

Yet come to think of it, it was really tough for me as I always find it difficult to really speak to anyone in uni. Have lotsa friends that i can talk to and speak to but when it comes to emotionally attached issues as well as the more personal touches, there really isn't anyone to talk to. Moreover, any UTP students will know that it's hard to talk on the phone cause the line sucks big time and MSN is just another fantasy over there which makes contacting friends from the outside even harder than ever.

Now it's been 2 years plus with so many things happened and past, so many people come and go, so many happy times, sad moments and bittersweet memories. Sometimes I do find it convenient to recapture these moments by simply browsing through the archive section on my blog.

Noticed that from a ranting hideout of mine, it became a scrapbook, just that its digital and sometimes there really are limitations to how well you can capture every expression, every thought, and every emotions digitally. You can't draw sketches of beautiful morning suns like when you are 5 years old with a world so full of sweets and candies, and you can't probably sketch pictures of poo with a fly above it when you are down.

Can't scribble random words, random pictures, random stuff that you can't even tell what it is, like how you could with a real scrapbook. Can't fuck around writing about the pretty girl who decided to attend class with miniskirt that morning, complain about the lecturer who cut your marks for sleeping, and certainly can't complain about how your mom's cooking sucks since anything digital is volatile. They spread like wildfire and explode like the big bang. Oh and, mommies nowadays read and write blogs too.

Anyway, back to my blog, it started with no readers, as I thought it should be some sort a secret, till my friends found out about my blog, and people started linking me. That's when I started posting like how many choose to live their life-only portraying the good things while hiding the darker side.

But I don't want to live mine like that. I wanna live my life how I want it to be. And there's no point looking back at those people who only remember to live their hypocrite life and poke your back once a while when they have nothing better to do.

As much as I don't want to live like that, I don't want to blog like that either. And sometimes I wonder, what will happen if the dark secrets explodes? What if, they found me bare naked and chained with my sins and guilt and shame? Lying unwanted with my flaws and ego and perhaps a broken heart? Will people smirk at me? Or will they offer me a helping hand, wash me and cloth me as a man still? Will people look at me differently with different shades? Or will they like me more for me being true and honest with who I am?

It's been too many fucking years now, we live as hippocrates due to simple fear of rejection because the world is shallow and cruel. Where's the loving world that we're told to build since young? Where's the love that we used to tell our children in bedtime stories? Where's the kind-hearted rather than all two faced creatures that we've trained ourselves to become as to survive in this crazy world?

Is the world sane? Or am i insane?

Monday, June 16, 2008

Still Partying

dewar's And so, i wasn't online these few nights, busy partying, drinking and later vomit my ass off.


Dewar's in Maison on thursday. Stole the pic from Liwei.




Went up to genting on friday.


Dinner in Gohtong.

13062008709 DSC03235

Stone with statue in 1st world.  Gay with the EMO-ers at the garden.






Swing and sky berry for the night.






Still sober at this moment and please don't ask me what happened after that. I don't remember.


hardy vsop


Anyway, the next day just as i thought i've had enough party time, the crew ask for another round.

Ended up in a fren's house finishing up a whole damn bottle of HARDY VSOP with slightly more than half a bottle of coke.


I know.

I can see my liver turning black.

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Hot chic dance while cursing Benny Sei


Ok. Despite the fact that she's hot(can't c the face so cant say she's pretty) and she's a malaysian, that's not the main reason i posted this.

But but, can anyone tell me what is the singer saying every now and then in the song? It kinda interrupted the song everytime and what i heard seems like:

"Benny Sei"-->translation: Die benny

Damn, why curse me?? What you guys heard??

Friday, June 13, 2008

Some pictures to ponder



Spark my ass!!


Open the "PAIP"???? pipe, no? tap, no?? PAIP!!!! i should rip the paip open slowly i guess...

A friend requested for my emo posts

which i didn't quite wanna post lately. Don't want people to get my emo-ness. Haih.. Y would anyone miss my emo posts? Don't understand but here you go.

the dawn hurts more than night i just realize
u poisoned me with all your love n pass me by
waking up with the scent of your skin on mine
the hugs kisses n love making mornings rewind

forget bout the cup cakes n candle lights
i ain't falling for another crafted lie
staring at the morning rain outside
tell me how am i gonna wake up fine

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Semester break

It's been really busy for me the past week and still is. Somehow it became a routine, for me to sleep at 5am in the morning, and wake up 2pm in the noon. Unhealthy cycle it may seem.

So occupied with many things in the day, meeting ups, reading, meeting ups, online, outings and more meeting ups. And during the night, it's either mamak sessions, alcohol fests, or just another quiet night in the room with my lappie and some books to read.

On the happening nights where i would probably be home 3.30 am in the morning, finding my mom sleeping on the couch in the hall, she claims she couldn't sleep because dad was snoring too loudly, yet i know it's partly because of me, she's waiting for me. That's her.  IMG_4338

I will usually kiss my dog good night, give my mum a hug, and ask her if she wants to sleep in my room which she never did. Washing up and all then I'll be lying on my bed staring at the glittery stars which I stick on my ceiling years ago. Sometimes, it's easy and I'll just doze off once my head hits the pillow. Other times, it's a matter of trying to fall asleep.DSC00322

The quiet nights would be me staying in my room online chatting with friends, surfing some boring pages, and finally when everyone goes to sleep looking forward to another busy day tomorrow, I will be the only one up and still wide awake. Recently, I find myself enjoying the quiet nights reading some novels on my bed. Taking some personal time to relax without worrying bout any datelines to meet.

But it all comes when the clock strikes 4-ish in the morning when I finally decided to switch off the lights to sleep. Bits of images of what happen during the day starts screening through in my mind, sometimes the past and future comes in to play as well.  

I still think a lot during bed time, even after I realize this last few years and is trying to change since then, it stays. trial2-ben

Sometimes, I still see you in my head. Every bit of details remains. Every bit of you remains. Every single tone of your voice rings in my head. As if we never grew up and still stay in that time of innocence.

Sometimes I see portions of a family in a big house, two kids and the mom preparing their bags for school in the morning, right before a man came down the stairs in suits and tie with a briefcase held tight in his hands. Kiss her and the kids goodbye before he leaves for work somewhere along the busy streets where the air of tension smells. That's me in future I think.

Sometimes I see sis and I all grown up in working suits, catching up in some coffee house in the mall after months of not seeing each other, my parents weren't anywhere in the pictures anymore.lov this

There are also times when I see pictures of a kid who looks like me having fun with his sis and family, sometimes it's a picnic at the garden, sometimes at the river where we used to catch small fishes with hand held nets. Sometimes its at the play ground somewhere in lake garden, and other times, it just pop up and gone the next second replaced by other bits of happy moments. But no matter what, his sister is always there playing with him. =)

Hugging tight to the red big bolster, still trying to sleep, emotions stirred. Mixed. Slowly, I'll doze off and wake up to another afternoon with a pack of rice left on the dining table for my lunch.

The phone rang, I answered, changed, and off I go again and the cycle repeats.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

My friend search for me on Facebook

Were chatting on gtalk as i sit here in starbucks replying Mel's Challenge, the conversation goes like this:

fuhan87: who is ....(name censored)??

Benny: just some fren

fuhan87: wtf, i go stalk your friendster, haha

Benny: (she's) not in my frenster pls, go get a facebook

Benny: get a life, get a facebook

fuhan87: ..... how to add you

Benny: benny sia


After half an hour...


Fuhan87: saw osama bin laden when i search for benny sia in facebook, add me

Benny: huh?


Then he sent me a picture which looks like this:


A closer look:




Benny: @!#$%^%$@#

fuhan87: haha

fuhan87: don't angry la, you are one handsome osama hahah

Benny: damn u

fuhan87: don't damn me please, i am your good friend



Monday, June 09, 2008

Ice Cream and Ghost Stories

I haven't eaten any ice cream for god knows how long. I strongly believe that ice creams have that ability to lighten your heavy burden souls, carve a smile on your face and gives a tingling sensation which brings out the happy memories and happy thoughts in a person. That's how i picture ice creams.

Every kid loves ice creams. There's a kid in everyone of us. Everyone of us love ice creams. True?? Maybe..

There's this friend of mine who loves telling ghost stories to her friends which includes me. One day some long long time ago, i asked if she would be kind enough to tell me a story. N so she picked a ghost story which i need to trade with an ice cream treat.

Though her ghost stories often sounds more funny than scary, it still keeps me awake preparing for tests and finals at night. And the ice cream deal remains only as a deal since we hardly get a chance to meet up.

Finally today, after years and months of waiting,

Image593 copy MH mcflurry

the ice cream deal was finally settled along with another funny ghost story from her. *Laughs*

N right after dinner, another friend of mine, Irene, offers another ice cream treat, so much for everybody loves ice cream. N please never go to metro prima for its Baskin Robins, so not appetizing at all. We went there for ice cream, but after seeing the outlet with the remaining ice creams in each container, we ended up in starbucks.

Aikz, it could've been an ice cream double dose day.

Sunday, June 08, 2008

Friends and cupcakes

Or Apple pies, whatever. But what could be sweeter than a friend whom you never meet or contact for years, suddenly pop out in front of you and the next thing you know, you're sitting there with her reminiscing the days when you were kids playing sands and eating candies?

And what could be sweeter than finding out the following day that she actually wrote a whole post about me in her blog? From how we met during kindergarden days, till we graduated, working and till today, that's how a friend remembers you in her life. Sweet isn't it?

Ah.. She's funny with a handful of hyped up craziness, and she's definitely fun to hang out with. I'm glad we met again.

Friday, June 06, 2008

Me and My Watch

I own a rip-curl surfer's watch as a birthday gift 5 years ago. It stays with me and went through all my exams and interview sessions since then.


People use to ask me why am i wearing a belt watch rather than a metal chained one, and there are times when i feel like owning one of those chained watches as i see some really elegant ones in the malls. But this old faithful watch of mine seems so versatile that i never get a chance to change to a new one at all. I've dropped it, smashed it with my car door, bath with it, and it always survives no matter what.

Of course, i've changed its belt a couple of times, as they worn out after a year or so. The batteries too, changed a couple of times now, but the watch itself, it works just fine.

What's the problem of wearing a belt watch? Watches used to play it's role in representing a man's ego, portraying his personality, class, status and achievements. Does it really matters? A billionaire doesn't bring along with him a billion dollar wherever he goes, but he just has that something which makes him appeal to the rest as a billionaire.

And nowadays, u'll never know who owns that biggie and who's just another bragged ass hole who's only loud in boasting basing on appearance solely. It's dangerous to judge a book by its cover.

And guess what, as i was flipping through the newspaper, i saw this article and found out that all the big shots wear belt watches. Hyped.

The world is changing. The trend is changing. And i love my watch.


1) Chelsea's One in a Million- Roman Abramovich wears plastic digital model.


2)THE PRESIDENT- Tony Blair with swatch.


3) THE WARLORD- Bush with budget model.

*pictures above abstracted from The Stars.

Thursday, June 05, 2008

Ass banged

I used to criticize a lot about our national car aka proton. Anyway i own a proton satria neo cause i really like its exterior lan yeng design and it's comparatively cheap.


You know how those big wheels will usually take 5 minutes or perhaps longer to switch off the engine completely after you plug out your car key?? My satria neo has that ability too. But the thing with my sweet car is that it's not because of the cool down purpose, rather it's somewhere short-circuited at the air cond fan where it'll never switch off completely. But since not many people know that, i can still act lan yeng a bit when i off my engine. =)

Also, the front bumper, it's so low that if u go down a slightly steeper slope at a faster speed, the bumper will hit right into it and fall out of the socket lock, where you'll have to manually put it back into position later.

And in less than a year, the left rear break light of my sweet car burnt and till today i haven't repair any of these since the workshop always tell you it's gonna take ages to repair and that's exactly what i don't have. Proton. Get what i mean?

But two days ago, the last day of my stay in PD, my car got crash from behind by two cars consecutively. This iswara in front of me overshot a junction and the driver breaks immediately. Full stop. My car coming from behind saw that and of course i slammed onto the emergency break and barely made it, stopped about an inch away from it.

Then, we have this Kelisa coming from behind, BANG!! Here's what it looks like:

DSC02005 DSC02006

Still fine, then the asshole Kia Spectra came full speed and crash right into my car. AGAIN. Look at it:

DSC02008 DSC02010 DSC02011

Being gang banged like this, u'll automatically imagine my car to become something like this at least:

car rear

However, my sweet car survived the crash:

DSC02002 DSC02004

Only scratches!!!

We ended up in the police station in alor gajah, to cut the long story short:

1) Kelisa paid a fine of rm200.

2) Spectra paid a fine of rm200, and on top of that, i'll claim from his insurance for repair.

3) Benny weep for his beloved satria who got ass bang twice in a day.

For once, i'm proud to own a national car, Malaysia Boleh!!

Wednesday, June 04, 2008

Rotaract BODs Retreat

And so we went to somewhere near port dickson for our rotaract retreat after a whole year of hard work realizing the many projects we set out for community service and self development. Just got back yesterday, and here are some pics to share.

7 cars convoy all the way down from ipoh, some joined midway, and when we reach our destination, the holy light shone upon the cars.


A very nice scenery with not only the beach as expected, but also a very wide field of greeneries.


N this below is the glass house we slept in, where if enter and look through the glass walls, u can see a magnificent sea view, just like the mansion in the movie iron man, i would love to have a house like that some day when n if i get rich.


The gateway to the sea..


A lonely rod awaits. hmm sounds pornoImage570

The beach


Aaron sleeping


The 2nd nite was a blast, barbeque coupled with lots and lots of alcohols, cool sea breeze, altec lansing with our self made DJ KC, and a gang of hyped up people. Too bad nobody remember to take any pictures. But i would certainly regret if i wasn't there that nite.


The last morning where we assembled the car for a photoshoot which supposed to turn out professional but it failed. Anyway, spot the red GTO, it rocks n pumps like nothing ordinary. A great Blast!